just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
