Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
