I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
