U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
