Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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