That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
