Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
