just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
