I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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