You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
