he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
