We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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