There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
