are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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