you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
God I need to hump something, right now.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
