now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
