whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
