Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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