I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
