Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
