I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
