My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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