She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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