Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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