I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
