Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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