oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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