Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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