So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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