You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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