just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
