I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
