a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
