If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
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I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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