So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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