Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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