I just made out with a guy for $7.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
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