i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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