To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Me too!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think i got beer on your cat.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
