The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
