I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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