I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
