Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
