I seem to have left my pride at pride
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
