'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
it's like iHOP with fire
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
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I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
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As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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