Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
