my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
