I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
