it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
