I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
