I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
