he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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