this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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