Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wish I only lived at night.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
