Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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