new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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