i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Quick, to the slutcave!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
