...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
