So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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