For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
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I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
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This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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