If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
