i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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