We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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