I smell stomach acid.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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