Tell her she can't have a vagina
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
