i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
