How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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