I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
