so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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