If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
