It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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