is your mom at the bar?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I need to stop coming to work sober
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
