She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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