can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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