if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
