I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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