Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
wow bdsm is so cute
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