I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
