PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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