Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
