Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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