it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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